Warning this is extremely long, if you have time to read it feel free this is something very important to me and if you could share it even if you don’t like it I just want as many people to read it as possible
My story should begin with saying how my life as someone who prefers being alone in some respects, its not that I don’t enjoy company of others in fact I thoroughly do like the company of others I just really like being able to educate myself in the contexts of life it’s self, philosophy, economy, self preservation, simple yet complex topics. I’ve often wondered what will become of society when the majority of people begin to realize that we are all invested in life together, we all have a roll to play no matter what we do in life, friendships, romantic interests, we participate in life in a way that benefits our selves and others without really realizing it. However what I’ve come across in probably the last four years is that the way we are living is not only unsustainable but very impractical I’m not here to preach to others but I want to present my ideas so that perhaps we can someday come together and live in a way that embraces the natural feeling that we should be peacefully living together trading not only goods and services but also our collective energy to reach for peace, the movement in the 60’s Woodstock and all that jazz is something we as a species believe should be attainable. When I talk to others who may disagree I often find they do actually embrace those ideals but also realize that some people are either so morally corrupt or are so easily corruptible by the lure of something like wealth or as I often see it as a bloodlust that our national pride should be so important that we cannot take care of everyone else but rather that we have to go out and take what “belongs” to us, I point to the empire America has built on gathering power through corrupt dealings with nations, multinational companies, and outright violence in starting wars to subject people to our own ruling power just so we can have a greater slice of the worlds pie. I think about these things on a daily basis and honestly I have no really good ideas to solve them myself, there are a lot of good ideas out there to begin to change things, however the indoctrination as children in this world has left us without the voice we carry as a people to bring about social and ultimately universal changes to the world we live in. Lately with such global movements like occupy I do see hope for the future, however it is still at this point going to take a true revolution and perhaps a bloody one which I do not want what so ever, personally I would say people need to get into a circle and smoke a fatty together haha, but alas that probably won’t happen. I would actually credit a very special person with whom I spent a short time with for opening my eyes completely as before I met her I could only see the corona of what could be, she may not know it but my life has completely changed, goals have been discarded for new ones, unfortunately I’m not very good at expressing how I feel to those that are close to me and that has resulted in a series of events which brought me down several notches in life, we cannot control more than our own actions and beliefs, I just hope as I mature from what has happened into a place where people will just listen a little more and not interject values that I do not see that I would be able to incorporate into my own consciousness. I’m not saying I won’t listen but rather that I would prefer something else, mostly what I’m objecting to is the premiss that I should belong to a church or religion or a view that says I alone cannot help myself, I would also say the same thing for capitalistic ideas even communism or fascism, the world as we know it today demands that we look after all people and we cannot get to this without supporting all people, this I would also say is true for nature, I’m lucky enough to know people personally who care about nature enough that I alone can focus on other things but I would also say it is my responsibility to look after nature, plants, animals, ecosystems, and just water in general as it is a part of life’s blood, we need to realize that WE do have an impact and it is our responsibility to not only protect it for our selves but for future generations of all species on the planet. Solving these issues is going to take fundamental Change not a patch work of change which could be a start, but things are already so bad, that if we don’t educate ourselves and others to these issues we’re doomed to fail. Lately I’ve also been contemplating the whole Mayan calendar issue and although I don’t think the world is going to end next year, I believe what it should be is a timeframe for us to really push for the changes we ultimately must make or see civilization as we know it collapse, and in essence we must evolve into a higher sentience especially for our future generations of people, places, things, animals, plants, ect. I often think back to a book I read quite often as a young boy, a book called “my side of the mountain” it was a story of a boy who grew tired of city life and decided to take his knowledge for survival and live off the land taking only what he needed to survive from the environment. Although it was a childrens book i feel that it represents in a way that we as individuals can make even a small difference. This really hits home now a days especially when most of my time is spent primarily alone to my own devices contemplating not only what goes on here on earth but also the cosmos, lately I’ve been interested in what makes sentience and consciousness possible, and I like the explanation that we are how the universe contemplates its self, I really like the ideas presented in quantum mechanics that we can exist in more places at the same time, I apply this to things like YouTube, music, and actual interactions, because in a sense we leave our imprint on Iife in multiple places without really realizing it, and we can in essence affect how someone else might see the world by affecting the dimension of consciousness with a web or membrane of ideas, this I would argue applys to something like say string or m theory which I am not even remotely qualified to elaborate on but I would say reflects my own spirituality, I believe we are destined to affect life in multiple different ways and when we leave this earth we once again become the energy that drives life and consciousness forward to a greater understanding of how, well everything works. I feel like I’ve been rambling on but hopefully someone can take something from what I said and apply even a little bit to their own consciousness.
Next topic: what has influenced my recent fervor to spread a message. My own awareness and the time I spent using marijuana to help expand my own beliefs in life.
Lately I’ve been contemplating why I’ve been taking such a interest in how we live and what we do with our lives, for most people they are content with the lives they live working hard , creating families which is something to be proud of, however when I started really getting into the culture of smoking marijuana I realized that more and more people aspire to greater endeavors perhaps creating a better society, I find it to be a way of life that helps us look at other ideas and opinions. Marijuana for me is a way for me to truly commune with my inner self, before I was content to work and aspire to the family life, I still do for the most part however I now believe that I have a greater purpose to project my ideas and projects outwards, now you might say, well Tom you could have done that without marijuana however I would argue that the almost religious experiences I’ve had with the drug and the community of people I brought to myself as not only an outlet but a think tank, we talk about life, the cosmos, and our general purpose in life, not to mention a lot of call of duty playing haha, but what I realized one day when I began to hate my job that I could use the creative thinking I experience while high to come up with new ideas on my own, recently I kind of isolated myself from family because I feel they don’t truly get from what I mean in expressing that I enjoy marijuana and it’s affects on my life, I felt more compelled to educate myself on the rules of law which was bolstered by a chance to serve on a jury, in which I learned that as the law is it is bent by a good lawyer to a different will, someone who may look guilty by the testimony is easily acquitted by a good lawyer. I also looked at my job experiences as well as the education I’ve acquired going to school and furthering myself as becoming more useless in a sense that I could have just as easily learned all of it from home with my own time. Now I don’t give all the credit to marijuana it just helped me become a little more content with the problems with society as a whole I tolerate people more and realize we’re all in a struggle to get ahead in life. To me it is a bridge to the gap I experience in social situations now I know I can over come them normally but a good bump in confidence should not be discounted either, I don’t expect people to understand and I do expect them to call me an addict but number one I don’t care haha and number two its my life and I’m going to live it the best way I see fit, it’s my medicine, it’s my creative soul coming to life with a little manipulation of fire and a very very nice plant, I’d like to grow my own for myself, I don’t want to sell it I just want my own island to stand on and really breathe the warm moist air. I’m going to give a little back story is started smoking when I was relatively young around thirteen or fourteen, and back then it was to me a fun activity to enjoy with my friends my mind came alive to the question, why are we here on earth, but mostly it was laughing harder than I ever had and enjoying my friends company and food haha, seriously who could get mad at a drug that makes you happy, hungry, and sleepy. Throughout high school I smoked on and off the only schooling I had problems with was Spanish and I still got a B in that, so I don’t really believe it makes you a lazy non hard working person, and is for sure not the gateway drug everyone claims, I see that as alcohol, we can debate it but this is my book damnit haha. Now we would get to my college days, I’ll be honest I rarely smoked then mainly just drink and partied that way, and to be honest by the time I was done I as sick of it, it didn’t motivate me and I found all the money I had during that time going to projects that had a short term return like going to las Vegas, I honestly recommend everyone do it once, but be somewhat frugal haha unlike me. Now I turn to my post graduation time, in this time I never smoked didn’t really see the use but I found myself moving away from my creative and industrious side in favor of long hours of work that only used my skills I developed with my father in computers and not a damn thing I learned in college, which brings me more to the present day. I met someone in my life hen I found myself at a cross roads who became a true friend and lover, with this new change I found myself smoking more a lot more haha, but I expanded my friend base I no longer jut had a core group of four devout friends, I felt my creative and industrious side return, I had new aspirations, political, work, and even my own spirituality flourish. Since I lost that great friend to my own stupidity and dulldrums from feeling stuck by the corporate grind in the losing of another job to the economy, I should have immediately adapted but I was scared too, I now feel I will probably quit smoking for a while I want to go back to school and find a new job, which is threatened by doing something that I find should not be illegal, however you’ve got to do it. now I may never smoke again, honestly I hope I don’t but if I get where I want to be anyway I won’t be mad about it, but I like the people I meet and have had uh good times I would never want to completely run away from that lifestyle I mean come on a nice new bong to take the christening hit from is a spectacle to behold, now I also don’t want people to think I’m advocating smoking, it is for sure not for everyone, nor will I stand to be accused of peer pressure any decent smoker knows that if someone doesn’t want some, more for you first of all but more importantly being a good person means you don’t pressure someone who is on the fence. I think the major point I’d like to make is that the smoking lifestyle takes the standstills in life and shortens them by allowing my mind to wander and discover new things while as before the only thing I had to look forward to was working and spending my money drinking with my buddies which is ok, but not at the detriment to my life that it has caused, I am for sure an alcoholic, but I would say marijuana has allowed me to see how to get away from that and move on with life, it’s not a be all end all though I still have to work towards my goals and for sure sobriety as well, I feel it’s reinforced my will to these goals. The investigation I did on marijuana is also why I am so for it especially being legalized, it has so many applications that could benefit society as a whole, the medicinal properties, agriculture, and even textile. I also would say that like all things it should still be done with a sense of moderation, mostly to save your wallet in this case haha because just like rent the cost of marijuana is too damn high! Especially in new York. I have never met a truly bad stoner, some people can be douchebags but really they were probably that way before they ever took a puff so just be careful who you invite along because they can deff ruin your experience and probably get you in trouble. Marijuana to me is not about the high but rather the medical effects I experience when I’m using, it has single handedly helped me overcome my alcoholism I no longer crave alcoholic beverages, it helps relief anxiety and when needed keeps me from becoming depressed.
Next chapter: post psychotic event
I’ve come to realize that I let a moments stress get me down and it has cost me June, but he shall be remembered and replaced. Since now I have no worries things are coming together I hope to soon have a job and a new place to call my own. I’m still bitter about my friends and family over reacting quite a bit actually but I think I have, however I have a renewed since of vigor to work towards the goals of the future. I am going to be a pot crusader! I may never fucking smoke again and I don’t give a flyin fuck! but I’ll be damned if people don’t have a right to a medicine like no other, it certainly helped me in my lifetime. When I see people who really need it and are persecuted because the government wants to bring us into a militarized police state that can only survive because of this illegal drug war that has cost American lives and tax payer money, this plant could totally change the face of this country overnight and I have a very strong feeling we will be so much better off I can’t even describe the feeling that overcomes me when I think about it. Now don’t get it twisted I know cannabis isn’t for everyone about 9-10% of users do get addicted, what I would like in the mean time is for it to be at least moved on the schedule of drugs I think Obama might actually do that! what this means is most likely anyway a restoration of the hemp market (which was touted as being a billion dollar industry in the 30’s I believe) and opening up the research for medicinal purposes which like the hemp market has untold numbers of applications. Now what I would like to stress is the absolute FACT that each individual person on this planet has the right to put whatever they want into their bodies be it raw milk or cannabis we shouldn’t be telling ANYONE what they can and cannot do with their bodies, they are our sacred vessels on this journey we call life.
My goals as of today 5/4/14
I have two goals in mind I would either like to be president of the United States or a potshop owner that deals with recreational use as well as legitimate medical cases. Now I lean towards the latter but if I have to do it I will become president because we NEED someone from our generation to do it as soon as possible which in my case the earliest I could do it would be in 2024, now maybe someone will come along who finally gets shit done but we need someone who’s grown up in modern America. Feel free to ask me about my political, social and economic views btw I’d love constructive criticism.